New Joke For The Day4

 

Two Mates and Their Chick

Two mates were screwing the same chick at the same time, and they were greeted with the sad news one day that their common squeeze had got knocked up. Having no way of knowing which was the father, the two mates chipped in and sent her out of town to have the little bas.tard.

Several months passed without either of the mates hearing from the chick, so one of them decided to find her and get some news about the pregnancy. The next day, the other dude got a call from his mate.

"I've got some good news and some bad news," the mate said on the telephone.

"Well, give me the good news first," replied the other.

"The good news is that she's fine, and she had twins," came the reply.

"And the bad news?"

"Mine died"

Just a Small Blowie

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.

When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"

"What? You're crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."

"No!! S

omeone may see - a relative, a neighbor..."

"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."

"I've already said No, and NO!"

"Honey, it's just a small blowie...I know you'd like it, too..."

"No! I've said NO!"

"My love... Don't be like that..."

At this moment,

the  girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder.

Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his

 

hand off the intercom!"

A Penny for Your Thoughts

A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent fo

 

r a while; then the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts."

The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss."

So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What arre ye thinkin' now?"

 

To which the lad replied: "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"

The Former Boyfriend's Revenge 

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her having sex with her new boyfriend's and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well, needless to say, this guy was heartbroken but, even more so, was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to her parents.

Dating Dictionary

Attraction: the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

Love at First Sight: what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

Dating: the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

Birth Control: avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

Easy: a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Eye Contact: a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

Friend: a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

Indifference: a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".

Interesting: a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Irritating Habit: what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

Law of Relativity: how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Nymphomaniac: a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

Sober: condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

Man of Her Dreams

For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail... all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.

Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"

"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs, so I can't run away."

The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"

To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Blind Date

Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

Jane and Tarzan

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sx. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sx was, and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Tarzan check for bees!"

Pierre the Fighter Pilot

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!

She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!"

Bob Forgets His Wedding Anniversary

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Fishing Trip

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterward they're just lying there, enjoying the nearness of each other. The phone rings, and because it's the woman's house, she reaches over and picks up the receiver.

Her lover looks over and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation.

She is speaking in a cheery voice. "Hello? Oh, hi! So glad you called. Really. That's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Sounds terrific. Great! Thanks! Okay. Buh-bye."

She hangs up the phone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, " that was my husband telling me what a wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Konkan Monsoon

 

Amsterdam Museum

 

Crypto-currencies and criminality

 The recent bust of a worldwide international paedophile ring using Bitcoin payments highlighted one of the key fears surrounding crypto-currencies -- their use by criminals. Social networking giant Facebook is keen to get in on the act by launching a digital currency called Libra. But US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin has aired his ongoing opposition to the move, saying many concerns remained unresolved, including "the issue of money laundering". Despite tighter regulations and increased vigilance by the authorities, illegal activities related to virtual currencies remained "significant", Madeleine Kennedy, from the research firm Chainalysis said.

The recent bust of a worldwide international paedophile ring using Bitcoin payments highlighted one of the key fears surrounding crypto-currencies.

A Chainalysis report published in January said that in 2018, one percent of Bitcoin transactions -- the most widely used cryptocurrency -- involved illegal activities. The equivalent of $600 million was also spent using Bitcoins on the dark web, a set of hidden networks where a multitude of illicit products, including weapons and drugs, are traded. In comparison, the global turnover of drug trafficking is estimated at several hundred billion dollars. Kennedy believes the use of Bitcoins for criminal purposes was partly based on a "misunderstanding". The confidentiality reputation of the most famous cryptocurrency is unrivalled, with all transactions recorded in an unforgeable public ledger, the blockchain. But it is "more transparent than some traditional financial systems and certainly more than cash", she added.

Gold prices go up, trades at Rs 89,500 per tola

 Gold rate in Dubai

DUBAI: Gold rates in Dubai, United Arab Emirates (UAE) on January 07, 2020 were 1,907.50 UAE dirhams (AED) per 10 grams for 24K and 1,792.50 AED per 10 grams for 22K.

PAKISTAN Gold price down by Rs2500 per tola,

 traded at Rs 90,500

ISLAMABAD: The price of 24 karat gold decreased by Rs 2500 per tola and was traded at 90,500 as compared to Rs 93,000 on last trading day. Likewise, the price of 10 gram gold also decreased by Rs2,141 and was traded at Rs 77,590 against last closing of Rs79,731. The price of silver remained constant and was traded at Rs 1070 per tola and that of 10 gram silver was traded at Rs 917.35. In international market, the price of per ounce gold dipped by $32 and was traded at $1548 as compared to $1580 on last trading day.

 The gold rate in Pakistan on January 07, 2020 per tola of gold was Rs 92,100, while the price of 10 grams of gold was Rs 78,961. Gold rates may be different in each Pakistani city at different times. The latest gold prices for different cities including Karachi, Lahore, Islamabad, Rawalpindi, Peshawar, Faisalabad, and Quetta are available below.

KARACHI: Gold prices in the local market increased by Rs300 to Rs89,800 per tola, according to data released by All Sindh Saraf Jewellers Association. Similarly, 10 gram gold price was raised by Rs258 to Rs76,990. In the international market, gold rates increased by $3 to $1,560 per ounce. Local jewellers said prices in the local market traded Rs2,300 per tola less than the rates in Dubai gold market

10 Small Business Ideas For Students

 Who doesn’t like to have fun in college? Although when you’re broken, it can be difficult to enjoy life as a student. Therefore, you need to start implementing business ideas for managing tuition fees and meeting your personal needs. The sooner you begin to work, the sooner you become an independent person, the larger your experience will grow. You don’t want to rely on the finances of your parents and below small business ideas may help you join the league of income holders.

CREATE A BUSINESS PLAN

It’s time to build a business plan once you know that your idea has the potential to succeed. Don’t you know where to start? Try this template for the business plan. Business plans should describe what separates the product from competitors. They should be short and powerful as well. And with your business, your business plan should evolve.

 1. Blogging A blog may not give you cash instantly, but in the long run it’s very lucrative. Consider providing your blog with insightful information and mixing it with entertaining content. You can start internet marketing by hosting paid ads on your blog once you get a strong follow-up. Companies are going to start searching for you to help them with content like freelancing services including cheap essays.

 2. Social Media Manager  Have you got a knack for social media manager? You can use your skills as a social media manager to handle social media accounts for companies and even individuals. Marketing influencer has become more popular and many influencers depend on marketing agencies or employees to assist them in managing their social media.

3. Tutoring Are you especially good at some topics? You should teach fellow students who still struggle with subjects such as econometrics, mathematics, and evolution. When polishing on these subjects you will make a lot of money, so it’s a win – win scenario.

 4. YouTube videos You might have come across numerous ads on YouTube videos if you spend a lot of time on the internet. You can also get a share of the revenue from the ad. Create fascinating topics particularly in the fields of games and music for your audience. You can start streaming pay-per-view videos with enough subscribers and run freebies on the blog.

 5. Event Organizing Within colleges such as matriculation, award night, and science congress, there are endless activities that happen. If you are providing your services to coordinate these activities, you would be paid for by the school administration. It may be difficult to start organizing an event at first, but you can handle it well with time and convince sponsors that you are fit for the job. Consider providing free service for the first few events and start charging when you feel that your skills have reached professional level.

6. Videographer or Photographer Video production requires that you invest in the equipment that can be quite costly up front. But that’s what makes your product so important as well. Make sure you have a reel of your work available for interested audiences to share or create a website with several collections of your work Start by taking your family and friends photo shoots. As you construct a working body, ask for referrals. Photography businesses also expand by word of mouth, so create a Facebook page where you can add new customers, which will also appear in the news feeds of their friends. 

7. Web Design Are you a smart designer on the web? You can set up a business by doing the websites of other people. You can increase your credibility by having a website or blog and you will be able to reach a wide client base. 

8. Graphic Design If you’re an IT student or art design majors, graphics must be good for you. One of the start-ups that you should consider is graphics services while still in the university. A lot of people are looking for graphic designers in all phases of life. But in advertising your services, you have to be proactive because there’s a lot of competition out there. If you’re great at what you’re doing, you could even do it. You might keep permenant clients who will provide a constant flow of income. 

9. Computers and Mobile Phones Repair Who in college does not have a mobile phone? Most students actually have computers and these devices stop working once in a while. You should be willing to provide people with your repair services and generate income with technical skills in mobile phone and computer hardware. 

10. Food Truck Dreamt to own a restaurant but not ready to take the plunge? Use a food truck to test the ideas. It’s a great way to get to know your state’s food and restaurant licensing, see what people like and don’t like, and build a ravenous follower before you ever open or invest in a brick-and-mortar location.

Beautiful Hair Style Amrican

 

Anwika Hot Navel Show

 

Nivetha Thomas HD Wallpapers

 

Parkview Terrace Accounting

 

Financial accounting is providing information such as balance sheet, profit and loss accounts for taking financial decision. It could be produced in front of the external agencies like government department, income tax authorities, shareholders, as well as creditors who analyze the financial strengths and weaknesses of a company. Financial accounting services include only the monetary aspects of the business. In the company's financial year end financial accounting is handled by certified accountants who produce two fundamental financial reports such as the balance sheet as well as the profit and loss statements.• Experts to work for youFinance department is the pillar for every firm. Therefore, financial accounting should be supervised by skilled professionals who help in enhancing overall progress of the business.In a business, financial understanding is essential to administer all types of expenses including sales and purchases, fixed and overhead expenses, etc. The expenses need to be noted down in the accounting ledger to verify the annual budget. These transactions are later revised at the financial year end, in order to check the cash flow of your business.Financial accounting services keep a record of the financial transactions systematically for any business and make it easier to take correct financial judgments. Maintaining proper financial records, it is helpful in yearly transactions as well as report preparations.• Outsource for efficient resultsOutsource your financial services to the most consistent service provider who would ensure efficient running of your business, and help you to save your time and concentrate on other key issues of your business.It is essential to have proficient financial accounting services work for you as a single mistake can cost heavily into major losses to your company. Having an experienced accounting service work for your firm is essential for efficient financial and accounting management. Providing the financial details of your organization and having skilled work force these companies are capable of preparing detailed reports such as balance sheets, as well as profit and loss account, etc.•

FANCY BIRDS DEALERS — Karachi

 

young

 

It's pretty simple. A friend and I agreed that birds are pretty pissed that they don't have arms. We decided this should be fixed